 undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:02 PM
When Whorin' Snatch is your only fan! And he even performs covers at every Down With America party!
Do I win?
I'll be making my list...
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:06 PM
...When you're offered a recording contract but it's written with a Crayola.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:07 PM
You mean that's bad? Oh man, I thought we were gonna be big!
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:10 PM
When your only hit is a cover of a 1966 Beatles reject song called "Pink Motorboat".
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:11 PM
Yep, that's bad, it's even worse if it's in erasable crayola....
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:12 PM
When you release an antire album dedicated to covers of "The Hokey Pokey".
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:15 PM
When the bar where you're scheduled to open for a Goth Band called I-Rectum makes you string your own chicken wire in front of the stage...
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:16 PM
Do our posts here count? Or do we have to send our lists in? 'Cause I'd hate to spend my time making a list and posting it here instead of emailing it.
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:16 PM
am I the only one bored at work today?
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:18 PM
I dunno, but if I win I'm donating my c-note to the "Railroad Oral Hatch Out of Office" Fund.. either that or I'm gonna pick up a 12 of Killian's Red....
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:18 PM
You reform your band and become an 'Andy Dick and the Bitches of the Century' cover band named Tasty Anus. (Hey, I thought of doing this.)
|
smelv1n
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:19 PM
you sound like Linkin Bizkit.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:23 PM
Okay, I've only got 5, but I don't know whether I should send it in or post it here...
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:28 PM
post it here. I think smelv1n just won it anyways!
|
 CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:30 PM
Signs to tell your band is doomed :
10. No one shows up for rehearsal
9. The lead guitarist has no strings on his ax,
and refuses to buy any say "What's the use, they always break"
8. When you start to play, people get up and walk away
7. Your singer always performs making that Macaulie Caulkin
"Home Alone" face during the whole set
6. The t-shirt sales go to zero, and the ear plug sales go way up
5. It's determined that all the band members but you have raging cases of narcolepsy
4. The RIAA offers to give you money to flood the P2P networks with your latest "tunes"
3. The only agent /manager your band can get is your mother-in-law that hates you, and says there will never be another Sinatra.
2. The band members can't even get a "day job"
and the NUMBER ONE SIGN YOUR BAND IS DOOMED...(drum roll)
1. The lead singer's nick name is "Tone Deaf"
~Code
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:33 PM
Alright, here goes...
1. When Whorin' Snatch is your only fan and he even performs covers of your music at his 'Down With America' parties.
2. Al Gore endorses you, then claims that he invented your sound.
3. Your instruments include: a pail and a stick, a mop inside a bucket with one string, and a rusty harmonica accompanied by a clown shoe. (I know, that one sucked.)
4. You reform your band and become an 'Andy Dick and the Bitches of the Century' cover band named Tasty Anus. (Hey, I thought about doing this as a side project.)
5. No matter how hard you try, you just can't shake Michael Jackson or R. Kelly as your biggest competitors.
That's all I got. I hope it's enough to win...
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:33 PM
When you lose the American Idol competition to remaining member of Milli Vanilli
|
 leflaw
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:35 PM
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:40 PM
Actually...
the real number sign your band is doomed...
the RIAA is suing people for downloading your songs!
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:52 PM
or the riaa doesn't care if people download your songs...
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:54 PM
Other ways to see your band is doomed
1) Wal*Mart holds up your tunes as "The way all music should be done, clean and inoffensive as milk"
2) The AOL install CDs are more welcome than your demos
3) Your manager keeps insisting that you wear hoods and include backmasking on all your records
4) The new "gimmick" to get your band noticed, involves BASE jumping from the Pentagon
5) Your CD media of choice is the "rewritable"
4) After hearing you play, people keep asking "What do want to be when you grow up?"
3)Your bass player is convinced the drummer is plotting to take over his mind with an aluminum foil and jello machine
2)The copyright office refuses to register your copyrighted tunes, by sending back a note saying "It's all crap"
and of course, the Number One way you know your band is doomed...
1) A giant meteorite strikes your portion of the Earth just as you open your mouth to sing.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:54 PM
I have a number 6:
6. Even P. Diddy doesn't want to be in your video.
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:56 PM
when your "big break" is doing sound bytes for deodorant commercials
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 3:58 PM
Ooh, another one:
7. When even MadTV refuses to do a skit making fun of you, claiming, "it's just too easy".
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:02 PM
You know it's over when Even Sheryl Crow won't try to screw you out of your music-- wait, I think somebody's already made fun of Sheryl Crow. Damnnnnn.
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:03 PM
lol..undeath...i thought of that one too...good one...
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:04 PM
When Hilary Rosen calls you on your cell phone to invite you to an emergency meeting of RIAA alumnae
When Nostrodamus predicted that the New City would burn to the ground as a result of an amplifier malfunction at one of your concerts.
|
 gdZiemann
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:04 PM
...when you have to call the police to get rid of the rest of the band members.
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:05 PM
lol...good one lef  |
 sinai
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:05 PM
your "big break" happens when you're called to testify in the michael jackson case
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:08 PM
Orrin Hatch calls and wants to do a "cover" of all your songs on his next album
~Code |
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:09 PM
I just can't stop:
8. Your concert flyers read: "Poster boys for the demise of music." (Yeah, sorta pathetic.)
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:09 PM
When an "End of the World" cult camps out on your lawn and starts calling you "The Chosen"
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:09 PM
Ah, Code, you just used mine as a launching pad, didn't you?
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:11 PM
When you are are invited to an internet battle of the ban............
Oops. Lets not go there.
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:11 PM
Sorry George, I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing WITH you..... but at least you have a sense of humor.
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:11 PM
Chris...I think our minds are thinking alike on this one |
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:14 PM
9. People would rather go to an Ashton Kutcher movie than one of your shows. (Nice!)
10. You've been banned from ever playing the VFW again when nobody showed up for your free concert. (Even when you offered to pay them!)
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:14 PM
You know your band is doomed when :
All your songs seem to have the theme of glorifying earworms
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:17 PM
When you are asked to leave Burning Man by a guy being pulled around on a toilet sled.
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:19 PM
1) Your band is so unpopular even Diebold couldn't get you elected
2) Your only instrument is a "theramin"
3) You stream your music using a Commodere 64
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:21 PM
After your 1st set they raise the national security threat level to red
|
 woodhead
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:21 PM
When you are are invited to an internet battle of the ban............
Oops. Lets not go there.
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:21 PM
rofl...good ones capt~ |
woodhead
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:22 PM
even drunk ppl in a bar say you are horrible.
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:26 PM
You do a charity gig for a children's hospital and the nurses keep trying to admit the group for "observation"
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:26 PM
When you have to get your reviews from this thread....
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:28 PM
Community access Television won't let your band perform, saying it just doesn't meet "their standards".
|
 libertyordeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:29 PM
When you get a call from Elmo saying you've got some nice chops.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:30 PM
11. The best gig you've ever gotten was opening for Dora The Explorer On Ice. (Or maybe Blues Clues On Ice...)
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:35 PM
When Fender wants you to endorse a battery operated emergency practice amp.
|
 RocketGib
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:47 PM
-When your music is available on I-Tunes.
-When you think the RIAA wants to pay you royalties.
-Cary Sherman waxes your shoes.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:47 PM
12. You tour karaoke bars across America, opening for an old Japanese guy singing country music.
|
RocketGib
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:52 PM
-You lip sync.
-Your band does the chicken dance while playing a song from KISS.
-The RIAA lawyers want your autograph.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 4:58 PM
13. Al Gore's son gets arrested at one of your shows for rioting. Then, after being taken down to the police station, gets charged with marijuana possession.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3770672/
How do you like that quick thinking? |
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:06 PM
...when the drummer leaves during a guitar solo and never comes back.
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:10 PM
...when your agent says, "I've got good news and bad news..."
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:13 PM
14. Clay Aiken's song, 'Invisible' hits too close to home.
15. Even Paula Abdul insults you.
16. You aim to bring back disco.
17. Nobody comes to see your show from atop a high wire. Not even to yell, "Fall!".
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:15 PM
...when one member of the band gets arrested and the rest are disappointed the cops didn't keep him long enough to replace him.
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:18 PM
These are all true stories so far...
...when the audience lights matches -- and throws them at you hoping to catch your hair on fire.
|
CodeWarrior
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:24 PM
All your bandmates call you the night of a gig and say they can't make it because they "have to do their hair"
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:26 PM
18. You dedicate an entire tour to Saddam Hussein's singing voice.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:28 PM
19. You put your single up for $5 on Amazon. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Don't worry, I still love you, Pearl Jam.
|
Jefrystube
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:33 PM
You sign a contract with the RIAA.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:51 PM
20. Anti-drug activists vehemently urge you to overdose on heroin.
21. You reprimand anyone who gives you an extremely positive review in their article, saying that they must get your permission first. (Oh yeah! That one's taken from real life, baby! Remember when that happened?)
|
W-B
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 5:54 PM
6 7/8. When Don Henley admits that in a past life, he was tainted Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times reporter Walter ("There Was No Stinkin' Forced Starvation in the Ukraine in the Early '30's") Duranty.
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:00 PM
Oh , now its the "I play trivial pursuit for money" crowd, eh?
Well how's this:
John Cage calls and says he wants you to accompany him on his twelve minute piece called "Silence".
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:07 PM
your agent tells you you could be the next Justin Timberlake
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:07 PM
22. You're so bad that Metallica bows down to you.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:10 PM
Okay, I have the ultimate. And if this doesn't win it, I don't know what will.
23. You play and AIDS benefit, and they tell you they'd much rather die.
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:13 PM
yeah and there was no gold mining in kolyma
|
Free2B
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:13 PM
When your ass is on fire and you like it because it feels good!  |
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:13 PM
24. Your instrumentals are so long that Led Zeppelin complains.
|
Distilled1
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:13 PM
1.Your lead guitarist goes to jail every 3 months for a month for not paying child support
2.the whole band thinks they are big rock stars and trash a hotel room doing $4998.00 in damage
3.you get a gig playing for 3000 people and the only one there are your girlfriends and wives!
4.Your singer can't decide on metal or country as a genra
All true too!  |
chrisbrooks
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:16 PM
When you play a local gig they reward you with Britney tickets.
|
lessthantag
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:16 PM
when your 16 year old sister/manager gets your punk band an opening set for the backstreet boys. (ok, i'll never post another thing)
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:22 PM
You play farm aid, and all the crops fail.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:22 PM
25. When Bob Dylan can't understand a damn word you're saying.
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:25 PM
When JaRule understands your lyrics.
|
Distilled1
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:30 PM
5. When summers eve wants to buy the rights to use your song in there latest add campaing
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:31 PM
I believe I'm done, so here's a recap:
1. When Whorin' Snatch is your only fan and he even performs covers of your music at his 'Down With America' parties.
2. Al Gore endorses you, then claims that he invented your sound.
3. Your instruments include: a pail and a stick, a mop inside a bucket with one string, and a rusty harmonica accompanied by a clown shoe. (I know, that one sucked.)
4. You reform your band and become an 'Andy Dick and the Bitches of the Century' cover band named Tasty Anus. (Hey, I thought about doing this as a side project.)
5. No matter how hard you try, you just can't shake Michael Jackson or R. Kelly as your biggest competitors.
6. Even P. Diddy doesn't want to be in your video.
7. When even MadTV refuses to do a skit making fun of you, claiming, "it's just too easy".
8. Your concert flyers read: "Poster boys for the demise of music." (Yeah, sorta pathetic.)
9. People would rather go to an Ashton Kutcher movie than one of your shows. (Nice!)
10. You've been banned from ever playing the VFW again when nobody showed up for your free concert. (Even when you offered to pay them!)
11. The best gig you've ever gotten was opening for Dora The Explorer On Ice. (Or maybe Blues Clues On Ice...)
12. You tour karaoke bars across America, opening for an old Japanese guy singing country music.
13. Al Gore's son gets arrested at one of your shows for rioting. Then, after being taken down to the police station, gets charged with marijuana possession.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3770672/
How do you like that quick thinking?
14. Clay Aiken's song, 'Invisible' hits too close to home.
15. Even Paula Abdul insults you.
16. You aim to bring back disco.
17. Nobody comes to see your show from atop a high wire. Not even to yell, "Fall!".
18. You dedicate an entire tour to Saddam Hussein's singing voice.
19. You put your single up for $5 on Amazon. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Don't worry, I still love you, Pearl Jam.
20. Anti-drug activists vehemently urge you to overdose on heroin.
21. You reprimand anyone who gives you an extremely positive review in their article, saying that they must get your permission first. (Oh yeah! That one's taken from real life, baby! Remember when that happened?)
22. You're so bad that Metallica bows down to you.
23. You play and AIDS benefit, and they tell you they'd much rather die.
24. Your instrumentals are so long that Led Zeppelin complains.
25. When Bob Dylan can't understand a damn word you're saying.
I'm not going to try to think of anymore, but if one suddenly comes to me, I'll post it. |
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:32 PM
Actually, leflaw, Ja Rule's sorta understandable himself. I saw him in concert, and I understood what he was saying. Would've been better off, really.
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:32 PM
26. When you think YOU can understand what Bob Dylan is saying.
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:34 PM
Nah, I guess that would just be a personal problem.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 6:34 PM
MY 26:
26. When Soy Bomb refuses to crash your performance!
|
woodhead
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 7:03 PM
when you show up for a gig and the bar is closed due to no intrest in your music.
when you show for a gig as an opening act and the headliner leaves.
|
Jefrystube
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 7:16 PM
You've just made it really, really big. The other three band members are named Jimi, Janis and Curt.
|
KillDaRIAA
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 8:05 PM
and the number 1 is...........
When you have to post a comment on DMusic about how "your" band is doomed to win a a Cnote in order to make any money.
|
KillDaRIAA
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 8:07 PM
when you open up for hanson........mmmmmmmmm bop
|
KillDaRIAA
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 8:08 PM
when you are hanson.........
|
BrockStar
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 8:23 PM
When Orin Hatch holds a press release to make an announcement that "those guys" are "with it," further indicating his desires to [sic] "groove down to chinatown."
|
RocketGib
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 9:43 PM
Your music gets an "X" rating from the MPAA..
|
 droll7
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 9:45 PM
When your band signs a deal with one of the big 4...
|
RocketGib
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 9:47 PM
You know your band is doomed when:
-Your band is called DMCA.
-You owe money to the RIAA for each legitimate "fart" you make.
|
negatyve
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 9:51 PM
Here are my 5...
5) When you spend your 20 year career working towards social justice and all you're remembered for is "He drinks a whiskey drink, He drinks a vodka drink, He drinks a lager drink, He drinks a cider drink" (sorry chumbawamba)
4) When your bandmates decide that you need to be recalled from Lead Singer while Dolph Lundgren and Gary Coleman compete to fill the position.
3) Your big break comes from Collin Powell holding up photos of your trailer in a UN meeting while explaining the new threat to national security.
2) You named your band "ipod" 10 years ago, now all you get in responce to your demo's are death threats.
1) Several thousand of your Floridian fans are mysteriously blocked from calling and voting for you on TRL.
|
 victorsskull
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 9:54 PM
when your the only member and things arent working out with your self  |
fossil
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 9:59 PM
When a billboard reviewer describes you as "sounding as good as or possibly even better than Tiny Tim".
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 10:28 PM
Who's judging this contest anyway?
|
negatyve
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 10:36 PM
And a couple more!
When your first performance ends in a 3 day standoff with the ATF.
When you 'dis' Eminem in a song and his only response is "Eh, I'm not even gonna waste my time with this one"
When pitchforkmedia.com praises your album as the "most brilliant and original work of art since Xiu Xiu - Knife Play"
When your lead singer is found dead full of heroin with a shotgun in his mouth...ER WAIT, maybe your band won't be so doomed.
When Master P won't stop leaving you voice mails about letting Lil Romeo guest star on your next album.
When Less than Jake won't cover your songs.
When P.Diddy won't sample them.
|
negatyve
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 10:55 PM
When [Classified under USA PATRIOT Act Sec. 203]
|
negatyve
|
Date: December 21, 2003 @ 11:06 PM
When the only guy to show up at your show said he came because his friend SWORE you guys would perform an acoustic cover of Motley Crue - Kickstart my Heart
|
0Hz
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:53 AM
When you uploaded all your bands tracks to MP3.com on December 1st then the only remaining copy on your hard drive gets wiped by a virus on December 2nd !!!
Merry Christmas peeps.
|
MrClause
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 5:31 AM
When your song gets interrupted by the words "Attention K-mart shoppers"...
|
MrClause
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 5:45 AM
or "cleanup in aisle 4"
or people rather take the stairs in order to avoid the elevator version of your latest release
or the only way to hear your music is to be left on hold when calling tech support
or your cd is found in a box of Cracker Jack's along with is a note apologising for the temporary shortage of their normal free prizes...
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:20 AM
Ooh, I got another one again! Please don't hate me for this, as I would never make a joke of this, but:
27. Your pyrotechnics display burns down the club, killing your only remaining fans.
Like I said, it's not a good one. I just felt like taking a cheap shot at Great White...
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:21 AM
And...
28. Even a sex tape scandal couldn't help you make the news briefs.
|
isCariotThe1
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:25 AM
Man, I havent read through all 100 some odd replies so if this has been used let me know...
You hear the pilot request emergency clearance...
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:30 AM
Nope, that wasn't used. But I've got 1 more...
29. Everyone would rather hear bin Laden talk than listen to your music.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:32 AM
30. Bush choking on a pretzel becomes bigger news than any earth-shattering announcement you can dream up.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:40 AM
31. When Yoko Ono insults your singing abilities.
32. When people start telling you to work on your African languages. (If you don't get that, it means they're telling you to move to Africa.) (Yeah, it's stupid.)
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:47 AM
33. You finally get a stalker, but he wants you to stop playing music.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:48 AM
34. Your only groupies have every STD in the book, yet you still let them come backstage for a 'special favor'.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 6:57 AM
35. When you have to go on 'Queer Eye For The Straight Guy' to get a makeover. (Yeah, weak.)
I'm running out of submissions.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 8:28 AM
36. When your stage presence is more horrific than the Liza Minelli-David Gest kiss.
|
 RonKauffman
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 8:44 AM
When Osama Bin Laudin uses your music as background for his videos.  |
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 8:45 AM
37. When it's revealed that Michael Jackson listens to your music while playing 'Rubba Rubba' with his little friends.
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 8:53 AM
6 hours left!!!!!!!!
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 8:58 AM
Oh come on! I can't wait that long! Tell me I won now!
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:17 AM
It'll take 6 hours just to read your posts!
|
undeath
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:25 AM
Okay, I guess that's alright...
38. When Geraldo gives away directions to one of your shows and everyone finds out you suck.
|
pizzariaa
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:37 AM
You guys think that's bad? These are all TRUE facts about my band: Our first drummer was my girlfriend and her drum set consisted of a metal folding chair and a trash can turned upside down, at our first show most of the audience left except a few people who became die hard fans that have been to every other show so far (about 5 people), we've sold 80+ pins/buttons with our band logo on them and about 10 people actually heard of us, and all of our recordings are done in our bassist's older brother's abandon room. Anybody think they can beat THAT?
|
ldjollyroger
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:39 AM
When Lars mentions he likes you in a trade rag.
|
victorsskull
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:53 AM
when you name your band "The Guppy Killers" and your singer that works at super america thinks we are the bomb  |
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:04 AM
...when your label decides it doesn't matter if you keep your own masters.
...when Clear Channel says "You couldn't pay us to play this record."
...when eBay refuses to let you sell it because "there's gotta be some kind of rule about this..."
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:10 AM
...when, in response to your latest release, the Senate forces the RIAA to implement "Talent Advisory" labelling.
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CodeWarrior
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:11 AM
1) you know your band is doomed when
no one will pay you to play
2) You know your band is doomed when
everyone in the band joins a cult that
declares all music is "of the Devil"
--------------------------------------------- --
I'll be offline for a few days and outta town...
so Merry Christmas to leflaw, George, Tom, everyone at boycott...
and all my friends here at Dmusic/Boycott.
I love and appreciate you one and all...
Pray for you to have a wonderful holiday...
and kick some major RIAA butt in 2004..
Happiness and Peace to All...
~Code |
 cybrgost
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:31 AM
When R. Kelly Tells you your too perverted!!
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:43 AM
39. When your only upcoming gig in sight was Saddam's birthday party.
I could do this all day... oh wait, I have! Hehe.
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:45 AM
40. If you played Michael Jackson's latest party!
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captdunsel
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:56 AM
my final answer--
The # 1 reason you know you band is doomed is .....
When David Letterman makes a top ten list about you.
merry Christmas to All!
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:56 AM
41. If you've got some guy named Firpo defending you on every news station.
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AtlasShrugged
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:56 AM
You know your band is doomed when :
Groupies pay you to NOT have sex.
Your roadies lost your guitar at the last gig and claim" We didnt think you'd miss it"
Newt Gingrich is humming your tune on Meet the Press.
Your label starts charging you for your drugs.
You make the MTV all time favorite list.
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RocketGib
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 11:00 AM
-When your drumset is a coffee can, some milk jugs, and a broom stick.
-When your music attracts extra terrestrials begging you to stop.
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RasMasta
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 11:03 AM
When your last album went double wood.
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gdZiemann
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 11:30 AM
LMAO -- RasMasta is indeed the Masta
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 11:34 AM
Nah, that joke's been done to death. I saw it on some show recently.
42. When you've released an album after signing an exclusivity clause with a TV show. (Yeah, Bob Guiney, I'm talking to you.)
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 11:35 AM
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thumbtack
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:02 PM
Clive Davis offers your female lead singer a record deal...
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captdunsel
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:04 PM
merry Christmas Thumbtack!
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victorsskull
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:06 PM
rasmasta |
axxis
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:17 PM
You know your band is doomed:
when you sign a deal with a record company whose head of A&R has red skin, has horns on top of his head, and talks like a record playing somewhere between 33 1/3 and 16 RPMs.
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:21 PM
I just noticed at the top it says 'extended extra day'. Does this mean it's extended until tomorrow instead of in a little over 3 hours?
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:22 PM
I mean under...
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Jynnantonix
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:23 PM
Let's see... you're required to tour in the short bus.
Your manager's biggest claim to fame is that he once worked with Ethyl Merman. He neglects to mention it was as a driver.
Cary Sherman says you're gonna be the next big thing.
VH1 was gonna do a behind the music special, but couldn't find enough people that had heard of you to fill an hour-long spot.
You've had to go from freebasing heroin to huffing Glade.
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FewerInhibit...
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:27 PM
your band just got signed by Phil spector!
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:43 PM
43. If you list your idols: EVERYONE IN THE DIXIE CHICKS!
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sandstorm77
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 12:45 PM
You know you band is doomed if........
They want to use it on the "Gigli" Soundtrack...
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:26 PM
Hey, hey, hey... Gigli was a good movie. People just didn't see it because it was being slammed by critics since the very first day the cast was announced.
44. When you're related to Cary Sherman and you've got a close family.
45. You're first album is entitled, "Don't Download Any Of My Music Or I'll Alienate Each And Every One Of You". And it's dedicated to the memory of the RIAA.
46. You're second album is entitled, "Music Inspired By FLASHDANCE".
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undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:29 PM
47. When another album's entitled, "Representing The Demise Of Music", and you've got ties to every major label.
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Jynnantonix
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:37 PM
"Hey, hey, hey... Gigli was a good movie. People just didn't see it because it was being slammed by critics since the very first day the cast was announced."
If you say that Gigli was a good movie again, I will petition to have all of your suggestions thrown out. The critics didn't make the movie suck like Paris Hilton, that would have been the lousy plot, and the stilted dialog, not to mention the crappy premise of the entire thing.
Nothing personal, but defending this movie is tantamount to stamping the words, "waste of oxygen" on your forehead. Not only that, but I would be terrified that you would use part of the c-note to buy a copy of that terrible thing. And those people should not be encouraged!!!
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sandstorm77
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:52 PM
ROLFLMFA!!!!!!!!
|
undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:52 PM
Nope. I need money because I haven't had any small amount of money to my name for about 6 months or more. Maybe I'll get an "I
|
undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:53 PM
That cut off. I said I'd get an "I Love Gigli" shirt...
|
sandstorm77
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 2:08 PM
77. If your band's name was "Bennifer"
|
captdunsel
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 2:45 PM
you made Jynn mad..... you must hide now.. quick..
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 3:07 PM
...when the guiatist keeps a Glock in his guitar case "in case things get ugly"
|
rocklepbabe
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 3:43 PM
When your band has been asked to play with Maria Carie. (Maybe it has to do with the wailing!)
|
Jynnantonix
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 3:47 PM
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:52 PM
Nope. I need money because I haven't had any small amount of money to my name for about 6 months or more. Maybe I'll get an "I
undeath
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 1:53 PM
That cut off. I said I'd get an "I Love Gigli" shirt...
Honey. Even the BOARD is trying to tell you to stop. It gave you the BBS equivalent of being "played off" at an awards ceremony. The board even knows that movie was beyond redemption.
If you simply MUST buy a shit, but a boycott shirt. Buy an, "I'm a Pepper shirt", for that matter, but run as far and as fast from anything to do with Gigli as you can!
|
undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 4:19 PM
No, it didn't. I put the left broket and then a 3. It didn't post early. Don't be stupid.
As for the movie, I can like whatever the hell I want. I'm being bashed for enjoying a movie? How do you know I didn't work on the movie? You don't.
|
undeath
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 4:30 PM
|
ajg199
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 4:32 PM
1. when the asian monkey you bought stopped dancing when you play.
2. when simon from american idol says "you're the best i've ever heard on this show"
AJ
|
lessthantag
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 4:56 PM
when the KKK would rather go to the backstreet boy's concert than yours
|
thetaPhiOmega
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 8:03 PM
Your song is used as a WWE entrance theme
|
TheWitchingHour
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 8:21 PM
When you have to go to your own message board to post under anonymous names to incite interest in your group!
|
Idontcareican
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Date: December 22, 2003 @ 8:47 PM
Your know your band is doomed when:
1. You meet your band mates for the first time after a talent contest sponsored by MTV and Pepsi.
2. You have a manager before the band even has its first song.
3. Your first audience is for the filming of a music video.
4. The promotion department is creating stickers of your band members and selling them at Toys R Us.
5...........
|
wishboner-pr...
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:10 PM
You know your band is doomed when:
..after listening to your latest demo your agent politely explains to you that the best writing in Hollywood goes on in the accountants office.
...in the middle of a set you suddenly realise that if you didn't have to live with yourself, you'd be a happy person.
...you get booked to play your own wedding..
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:18 PM
...you're scanning through the paper and see an ad describing your gig, with the lead singer's phone number.
|
Lazlow
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:25 PM
When your fellow band-mates sign contracts with the Riaa.
|
Akira36
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 9:42 PM
You know your band is doomed when P Diddy threatens to sue you for plagurism..
....when your band becomes the first metal band to hire a choreographer.
....when your first hit is a death metal rendition of the baja mens, Who let the dogs out??...
....when T.A.T.U and Elton John remark that your first single is "....the gayest song EVER!!!!".
|
Jazzmary2U
|
Date: December 22, 2003 @ 10:59 PM
When a record A&R dude says, "you will be fine as soon as you get that boob job."
When you show up for a gig as a metal band, and find out that it is a country-western palace.. and after the first set, they don't notice the difference.
When the spandex stretches a bit toooo far.. !! |
Slurgi
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 12:33 AM
Oh wow these are some funny lists
Too bad i can think of anything that even competes with that stuff  |
thetaPhiOmega
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 1:22 AM
when Orrin Hatch fries every computer with your song on it!
|
Idontcareican
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 4:37 AM
You know your band is doomed when your punk band becomes straight edge to buy drugs with your money.
|
Idontcareican
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 4:39 AM
the money*
|
Idontcareican
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 4:45 AM
You know your band is doomed when your punk band becomes straight edge to buy more drugs with the money.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 5:31 AM
48. When you tell your fans, "I'm not a musician, I just play one on stage."
49. When you call yourself punk and your band's name is Good Charlotte.
50. When you have to tell yourself, "They're not booing you, they're just a little upset."
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 5:37 AM
51. When you destroy all your equipment on stage and are never able to play again.
52. When your live recording is so bad, it's rejected on sight at all show trading sites.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 6:12 AM
53. I'm gonna try a 12 Day Of Christmas themed sign:
12 fans at each show, 11 shows a year, 10 minute set list, 9 minute riot, 8 failed stage dives, 7 fans injured, 6 protestors outside, 5 CANCELLED SHOWS, 4 arrests for indecent exposure, 3 tour van wrecks, 2 band members quit, and only a singer left...
I hope you liked this, because I just improvised it.
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 8:35 AM
whew!!!
|
sandstorm77
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 9:09 AM
I think i should get the CNote seeing that my post caused alot of contraversy.
"You know you band is doomed if........
They want to use it on the "Gigli" Soundtrack..."
Undeath seemed to very upset with this which leads me to believe that he/she is on the "Gigle" soundtrack.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 9:14 AM
Controversy, my ass. That wasn't one bit controversial.
54. When sandstorm77 reviews you, then continues to discuss a tiny submission...
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 9:20 AM
That last one was sarcastic (if you couldn't tell already)...
55. When you're featured on MTV's Advanced Warning.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 9:23 AM
56. You're forced to release a Greatest Hits album before 10 years after your debut album... obviously...
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 10:22 AM
...when you have to pay the record label a deposit to record
|
independentm...
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 10:33 AM
When you sign a recording contract.
|
independentm...
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 10:37 AM
Perhaps worded better:
The number one SIGN your band is doomed is when you SIGN.
Surely, I win if no one has beat me to the obvious.
Shmoo, of Electric Gypsy
(still undoomed!)
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 10:41 AM
You've been beat. I think twice. It's really hard to go through all of the submissions, so you are excused.
|
independentm...
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 11:16 AM
I saw there were 180+ submissions and posted as quickly as I could without reading any of the submissions knowing that would probably be the case. But posted anyway just in case. I almost always arrive late on these threads due to my dayjob work sched
But great fun with this tread (just read em, great stuff here!)
Shmoo
|
P2PeerPressure
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 2:29 PM
You know your band is doomed when Courtney Love won't steal your songs and claim them as her own.
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 2:49 PM
MY LAST ONES:
57. When your INDIE label ends up on the list of RIAA members.
58. When you sign with a label thinking they're indie, but then you discover that they're actually underneath a major label. (Yeah, I'm talking to you, Epitaph. Trying to say you're indie...)
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 3:00 PM
is this over yet? when do we get a decision? is there a 2nd prize? a 3rd? do we all get pizza for participating? can we have another contest for stupid questions? Does anyone have any prozac?
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 3:07 PM
I think it may be over now. It was extended an extra day and originally posted at a little before 3.
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 3:16 PM
Should we extend this one more day or more? its almost 48 hours....
|
undeath
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 3:27 PM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I've waited so long! By tomorrow, I might have 100! This is really making me anxious, and I haven't had medication for that since I was 16!
|
pog
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 5:38 PM
You do a gig, and before the 1st set's finished, the client offers to pay you to stop playing and go home.
|
lessthantag
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 5:58 PM
sorry pog..just got this idea after reading yours...
after getting paid to stop playing, the client become a national hero.
|
lessthantag
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 7:51 PM
or...
if your fellow bandmates pay you to get off stage
|
gdZiemann
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 10:57 PM
Capt Dunsel -- Yes, I have Prozac
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 23, 2003 @ 11:58 PM
mmmmm, prozac.....
|
stilltrying
|
Date: December 24, 2003 @ 12:02 AM
What the hell I'll give it a try!!! You know your Band is Doomed when???? Pete Best from Liverpool England Calls and wants to join up as drummer for your band!!!!!
|
FewerInhibit...
|
Date: December 24, 2003 @ 11:54 AM
...when it is advertised as a reunion tour of Spinal Tap and you're seeking a drummer!
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 24, 2003 @ 9:10 PM
so did we ever get a winner here?
|
undeath
|
Date: December 24, 2003 @ 9:13 PM
Nope. I think this has been forgotten... What's up with that?
|
RocketGib
|
Date: December 24, 2003 @ 11:49 PM
Hello!?!? Who won?
|
captdunsel
|
Date: December 25, 2003 @ 1:31 AM
I won, all of you send me $1 please
|
GnutProductions
|
Date: December 25, 2003 @ 1:52 AM
Signs Your Band Is Doomed: You're In It
signs your band is doomed: you get signed
|
GnutProductions
|
Date: December 25, 2003 @ 1:53 AM
signs your band is doomed: suge knight is calling for a meeting
|
leflaw
|
Date: December 25, 2003 @ 6:25 PM
CONTEST IS NOW OVER. WE WILL BE TABULATING THE RESULTS AND ANNOUNCING THE WINNER IN A FEW DAYS> GREAT POSTS!
|
