(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

By justed

This is Ned Nation your National News Network, national reporter with all the news fit to be told.

[Jingle] R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what your music means to me. Mon-ey! [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by the RIAA (Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics) - the fine folks who own all your music.

In the news today, Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics’ longtime spokesperson, Scumbucket McGreedy announced that contracts with all major television networks finalizing plans for public branding of suspected Pirates have been signed. McGreedy said: "They were actually eager to work with us and are looking forward to many episodes of the New Reality."

Details remain sketchy at this time, but it's thought all televised brandings of suspected Preteen Pirates will be restricted to the letter 'P' burned into their foreheads.

Current plans call for televising suspected Preteen Pirate branding during daytime hours with the more serious offenders; suspected Preteens’ Parents Pirates and suspected Pensioner Pirates scheduled for the early evening family viewing time slots.

This reporter was unable to confirm rumors of late night nude buttock branding of suspected college age Pirates, but insiders at the Schlock Network say there is favorable buzz circulating in the network, and expectations are high.

McGreedy went on to say: "This will make it easier to spot suspected Pirates if and when they ever get out of the new state run MPAA Pirate Prisons." Asked for further details, McGreedy refused to comment saying only that details would be made available soon.

This is Ned Nation your National News Network reporter saying, "Good work Scum, it’s fine people like you and the wonderful television network executives who make America what it is today."

[Jingle] Money can’t buy everything, it’s true. Find out what we won’t sell to you. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics: Have you paid for your music again yet?

In other news: Workers demand CEO’s take immediate pay raises. Larger stock options too say angry workers protesting on Wall Street.

[BUZZZTTT]

Yes, what is it Princess?

Scummykins? I think I’ve got BlackJack Balloonhead on the line.

(chuckle)

Well put him on put him on. And don’t call me Scummykins, call me Scum, everybody does. BlackJack, BlackJack is that you?

(CHUCKLE) Yes Scum I’m here. I see you’re still using that girl what’s-her-name? Princess Bodice?

Princess Boadicea, Princess Boadicea and that’s part of why I’m calling.

What? Is she breaking down already? It’s only been a few years she should be good for four or five years more at least.

That’s what I mean we’re having to pull out all the stops on this one and she’s still barely fresh out of the box.

Ha, ha, I like that barely fresh out of the box (chortle, cough, wheeze). You mean that business of getting America to focus on her Cha-cha instead of her talent: keep them guessing whether her Cha-cha’s still untouched (chortle, cough, wheeze). Scum you are a marketing genius.

Aw it’s not genius BlackJack, you know it’s right out of the manual How To Suck America’s Money: Chapter One. You should know, you old Vampire, after all you wrote the book!

And is she still taking care of Willy the One-eyed Wonder Weasel for you? I hear she can suck-start a Harley?

Blackjack, that’s not why I called you, It’s about the new batch of clones, when will they be ready? I don’t think the last batch is going to last much longer and we’ve got to have something!

Now don’t worry Scum, I told you each batch we make is only half as good as the last batch. We’ve moved up the production schedule and we’ll have them sent to you as soon as they can walk and chew gum at the same time.

BlackJack is it really necessary to have them that intelligent? Can’t we just have them able to walk or chew gum? I mean it’s not as if we need brain surgeons here, this is the Music Industry for gawds sakes! They just need to look good.

OK Scum, I’ll see what I can do for you. I’ll get back to you Monday, how’s that?

Sure, BlackJack, sure but just don’t let this go too long, after all: America needs its music!

[CLICK]

[click]

Princess! Princess was that you? Were you listening in on the line?

[Was Princess listening in on the line? Did she figure out how to use the phone? And who is B. Luster Blubberbutt? And does Scumbucket McGreedy ‘a poor but honest boy of humble beginnings, who thru hard work rose to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics’ want to talk to him? And will Scum ever get to talk to his lawyers, DS&H?
For the answer to these and other questions: Stay tuned to this website for further details.]

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

gotta be code...LOLOL

Personally I find these satiral peices tiresome and totally unfunny. Lets get down to the real issues and stop hamming it up.

oh come on grumpy, if we can't laugh a little we would be screaming all the time. i think humor goes a long way in letting us relax a little.
iscariot~

LMAO....someday, it might not be satire, might be looked at as foresight.

only dead men can't laugh