(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

The RIAA's Cary-Sue Sherman is the man up-front. But where would he be without such tireless flacks as justed's Scumbucket McGreedy.

[CLICK]

'Hello, DS&H, how may I direct your call?'

'This is Scumbucket McGreedy of the RIAA, put me thru to Mr Dewey.'

'I’m sorry sir, Mr Dewey is not available. Can I direct your call to someone else?'

'Yes, put Mr Soowhim on the line, I’ll talk to him.'

'I’m sorry Mr McGreedy, Mr Soowhim is in Washington on important business dealing with some Seat Fillers. Can I put you thru to someone else?'

'Put me thru to Howe then.'

'I’m terribly sorry Mr McGreedy, but Mr Howe has an important meeting to appear before the Ethics Committee on a matter of possible ethics violation and is currently unavailable.'

'Couldn’t he have sent someone else?'

'I’m sorry Mr McGreedy but this is the Law Society’s Ethics Committee. They were threatening to disbar him, he had to attend.'

'You mean Dewey, Soowhim and Howe are all unavailable?'

'That’s right Mr McGreedy, can I have one of them call you at the first available opportunity?'

'Yes, you do that.'

[SLAM]

[Poor Scumbucket, foiled at every turn in his efforts to do some serious one-on-one with his lawyers. He pauses, idly fiddling with the remote control of his stereophonic radio as he plans his next move… Silent minutes pass…]

[CLICK]

'Princess!'

'Yes Mr McGreedy?'

'Call me Scum, everybody does. Get me BlackJack Balloonhead, put him through right away. And Princess?'

'Yes Scum?'

'I’ll have to cancel our twelve o’clock, something’s come up.'

'Oh Scummykins! Shall I come right in and take care of it?'

'No! That’s not what I mean. We’ll just have to skip our twelve o’clock entirely today.'

'Oh Scummykins, do we have to?'

'I told you: Don’t call me Scummykins! Just call me Scum, everybody does. What if someone overheard you call me Scummykins?'

'But there’s no-one here to hear you, they just left.'

'Who just left? Never mind! Just get me BlackJack Balloonhead on the phone and put him through right away!'

'Yes dear.'

[SLAM]

…and isn’t that just like a CEO of a Big Important Industry? (chuckle) Always willing to do the right thing.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by the RIAA; fine owners of other peoples creativity since before you’re allowed (by copyright) to know.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

In other news today: Buy Before You Try – No Refunds, the record chain that boasts it has stores in every town of more than 1000 people, announces a restructuring.

As of today all cashier staff associates are now being reassigned to security detail except for one per shift. Followers of BBYT-NR may remember cashier associates just recently accepted a 15% wage rollback

BBYT-NR spokesperson McSqueeze Emtill Ubleed said: We’ve created a new work category we call Pirate Popper Associates. Each reassigned cashier will be equipped with a semi-automatic rifle and stationed on the roof of our stores authorized to shoot all Pirates.

While admitting this will result in a slight wage rollback, Ubleed went on to say: We feel the difference will more than be made up by the bounty we’ll be paying on each Pirate shot.

When asked how these new sub-minimum wage bounty hunters would be able to distinguish Pirates from the normal stream of American shoppers, Ubleed insisted strict rules would be followed and any deviation would result in severe reprimand, docked wages and two weeks working probation.

Added BBYT-NR’s Ubleed: We know them when we see them! If they haven’t been in our stores within the last week and bought some cd, any cd for Pete’s sake, then we know they’re Pirates! And our Pirate Popper Associates will shoot them accordingly.

Well this is Ned Nation your National News Network reporter saying: It’s about time that someone took the courageous stand of the Buy Before You Try – No Refunds chain of stores. Personally this reporter can’t think of why more stores haven’t done this sooner.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by the RIAA; fine owners of other peoples creativity since before you’re allowed (by copyright) to know.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

In other news: Pension fund losses mount as new accounting scandal grows…

[CLICK]

'Princess, have you got that call thru to BlackJack Balloonhead yet?'

'No Scummykins, I’m still looking for the phone. Have you seen it? Maybe I should just use my cell?'

'Princess, Princess, what do you think you’re holding in your hand?'

'Oh Scummykins, does this mean our nooner isn’t postponed after all?'

[SLAM]

[Will Princess get her nooner after all? Will she figure out how to use the phone? And who is BlackJack Balloonhead? And why does Scumbucket McGreedy 'poor but honest boy of humble beginnings, who worked hard to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics' want to talk to him? And will Scum ever get to talk to his lawyers, DS&H?
For the answer to these and other questions: Stay tuned to this website for further details.]

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

I wouldn't mind kicking back at movie and seeing the live action version of the record store pirate shootings before the feature. Preferably after the anti-piracy sympathy ad.

that post whas vary hard to follow if you don't mind me saying can any one help me out on what he whas trying to say :0)

ummmm ok....

hm.......maybe it was the use of punctuation that confused Koemoejoe, seraph. ;oP

hay no need to flame the poor dumb kid :0P

i'm sorry, but it lost me too.
obviously others got more from it than i did, so maybe i'm wrong. good intentions though
~code

I didn't get most of it. I just liked the imagery of shooting people without good reason.

Well, I got it, but hey...I am from the sixties, and you know what I used to do. Made perfect sense to me.

Hey Jon...Reminds me so much of Firesign Theatre I almost broke out in a chorus of Porgie Tirebiter! Hilarious!

Scumbucket'll be back so CodeWarrior & Co, no doubt you'll figure it out as we go : )