Movies are essential to life as most of us understand it. So's coffee. So's (fill in the blanks ------ ; )

Justed has picked up the mantle as our first entertainment commentator. So here you go.

======================

Entertainment

By justed

Have you ever read a movie review, gone to see the movie and ended up asking yourself - 'What movie did those reviewers see?'?

The answer is simple: reviewers receive movie promo packages from the distributors. Sometimes you can tell the lazy reviewer didn't even watch the free preview screener, or at least not closely enough to realize the movie promo bumpf included details of edited out scenes.

So instead of asking, 'Where did they get those details from?'? I'm going to present frequent reviews of movies, television and the state of the industry generally without the mindless rah-rah of reviewers whose hidden agenda is to blindly suck up to the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) otherwise known as 'Hollywood.'?


Movie: Wrong Turn
For those who like the horror of the cannibal degenerates feeding on helpless humanity genre, this movie is for you ; ) If you liked Freddy Krueger, although you could also like Wrong Turn, you could equally be disappointed by the lack of suspense.

Each genre has its conventions, which this one follows:

Plot: Young twenty-somethings lost in the woods, threatened by a subhuman clan of hillbilly cannibals who profit by the total reclamation of all their victims' possessions, which they haven't gotten around to disposing of yet.
Sex: Implied, but not too graphically. (But in this genre that’s not graphically enough.)
Horror: Glimpses of mangled corpses, but only glimpses (which, in this genre, is insufficient by its conventions - not enough in other words.)
Explosions: always good to spice up any movie (and this movie needed them) plus, the ever popular ˜I killed you but you're not dead yet' back to life of the defeated bad guys," if only for the briefest of moments.

So all in all you'd think that in a genre that doesn't demand much of itself, that this would be considered a 'good' movie.

I'd disagree, however, because the plot unfolds in a straight line; stumble upon bad guys, get threatened by bad guys, run from bad guys, kill bad guys.

The only interesting thing of note is the appearance of 'Faith' from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but even that, in a roll that requires no acting talent, is of no great value.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale (bad/poor/neutral/good/excellent scale) I'd have to say: Given the technical quality of the production and being a fan of the genre this movie rates a 'g'? with disappointment that it wasn't better.


Movie: Charlies Angels: Full Throttle
It's kind of hard to imagine just what kind of world the MPAA lives in when it sees Charlies Angels 2 and decides; 'MPAA: Rated PG-13 for action violence, sensuality and language/innuendo.'

Better, it should rate this movie 'Warning, if you think this is a movie, boy have we got a deal for you.'

Anyone familiar with mst3k (Mystery Science Theatre 3000) will find this movie hilarious in a way the filmmakers never intended. But once you've seen it, you'll see why: It should go straight to mst3k, Do Not pass go, Do Not collect $200.

Unfortunately 'Hollywood' (MPAA) stopped licensing movies to mst3k. (They didn't like having fun made of themselves or their movies). So unless we can send this bunch of exposed film back in time to somewhere before Sept 1999 (Sci-Fi Channel's last mst3k episode), we'll never get to see this movie the way it deserves to be seen.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale I'd have to say even with the female skin, this movie rates a 'p'? '“ at least until a reworked mst3k version (at which point it could be an 'x'?).


Movie: Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde
This movie has one enormous impediment that I'd describe thus; too frilly, too sugary, and too pink. But - that's the franchise.

However, if you can overcome this obstacle, it's an otherwise a light, enjoyable movie that's hidden under its sappy plot a very telling point (of elected legislators who are credited as starting out to 'make things better' yet become so bogged down in process and so concerned with remaining in office to 'make things better' they loose sight of the result: they aren't making things better.)

It also, much to the disgust of most MPAA flacks (reviewers), suggests that change can be affected by the people - the great unwashed (in this case the 'Valley Girls' of the new millennium), something nobody wants to see happen, except the great unwashed.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale I'd rate this movie a definite 'g'? in spite of its overly sweetness.

Do you remember the David Manning story from about two years ago? Seem the critics names were made up...and placed in an ad for Hollow Man and also A Knight's Tale...

To refresh your memory... http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/film/1377228.stm