RIPN-Washington, DC-June 17, 2003
Senator Orin Hatch of Utah today made statements in a Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing that people who download copyrighted music should have their computers destroyed. In a surprise move Intel and AMD both quietly voiced support for the Senator's position.

Said an Intel spokesperson, "With lagging sales this could revitalize the computer industry." Imagine if only a small percentage of P2P users have their computers destroyed under Senator Hatch's plan, that could amount to millions of new computer sales. A short time later, Intel announced it's new processor line in development, the Pentium C4. AMD not to be outdone, announced the development of their new CPU the "Amatol."

Peter Wotcha, a Wall Street analyst for the brokerage firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe said, "This could be the saving grace for the computer industry ... Everyone has been looking for the next killer application, and no one ever considered the hardware before." Literally.

Within hours various other manufactuers jumped on the bandwagon. Lan Li has announced the development of a exposive proof case complete with Kevlar panels. Based in part on NASCAR racing technology used to prevent exploding engines from harming drivers, Lan Li expects the cases to sell quite well. L.L. Bean known for it's clothing line has announced they will be carrying kevlar Dockers as well as Kevlar socks.


Related Links:

L.L.Bean
Intel
AMD
Lan Li

This story and all others in the identified by the RIPN Logo are parodies and satire and in no way reflect the actual views, positions, or actual events of the persons named in the stories. They are purely fiction written for the humor and to point out the ironies of life.

This is a riot!!

I am not amused.

The write your congresscritter, and ask them to help Sen Hatch get his head out of his rear..

this is just dumb, even for a parody.. speaking of which, i wonder if it's a good idea to even post parodies with the news feed going to so many different places as mentioned a few articles ago. maybe it's just me.

C4 you mean the processors dont do a good enough job bombing and burning themselves out already? maybe they should just attach a cut-off to all the fans inside - that way they can then go around counting the file sharers by ppl with parts of their legs blown off and heatstroke.

"congresscritter"

"this is just dumb, even for a parody.." Well, indeed, that is just one person's opinion. Humor is one of the things this news script was originally founded on many moons ago, and quite frankly, I think it's sumpm that's been sorely lacking from it now for quite a while. Once in a while, self-indulgence can be fun, imo. ...Not to mention, we can easily control which articles go where, so the feed is not an issue at all.

those AMD's are lethal enough as it is, maybe intel should try and catch up with them in that respect

milla -- then it's probably just me.

lol

so..they've already seen a market (ie: the "water test for mp3s" a few months back)..now they've got a product to help. hrmm.. sounds like supply/demand economics to me
ttmmm