![]()
Maybe Ozzy was on to something: In the show's first few moments, Mr. Osbourne, chauffeuring host Conan O'Brien to the ceremony, was careening wildly and then falling asleep at the wheel. Maybe it wasn't meant to be a metaphor for the night, but we can't think of a more dead-on description. The broadcast was full of hits, near misses and, alas, a few snores.
"It's technically impossible to get your head up your own ass."
--Garry Shandling, explaining why the Emmy broadcast can't win an Emmy
Best Acceptance-Speech Time-Saver: One of O'Brien's new Emmy rules: "Don't thank all your kids. Pick a favorite and move on." We'd like to extend that to one agent, one costar, one catering service, one mom, one deity...
Curses, Foiled Again! When we heard the Osbournes were presenting on live TV, we were hoping for some censor-worthy chaos. Alas, we had to settle for a class act from matriarch Sharon Osbourne. "It's been a pretty exciting and eventful year for our entire family," she said. "We appreciate all your support for our little show." Sure, that's nice and everything--but it's not why we @$#%ing watch you people.
Worst Michael Chiklis Joke (and There Were Several): Conan introducing The Shield's star: "Coincidentally, I was chick-less throughout most of my twenties."
Best Michael Chiklis Moment: A tie between the cocky little wink the basic-cable badass gave when his name was read for the Best Actor nomination and the big ol' lump in his throat after the softie won.
"I watch the Oprah show, I read the Oprah magazine, I brush my teeth with Oprah toothpaste, I wash my hair with Oprah hair-care products."
--Chris Rock, in the Winfrey tribute segment. What--she's got her own show?
Most Painful Low Cut: The Daily Show's smirkmeister Jon Stewart spewed some inspired bile on the topic of comedy-series directors. They try to "escape the hell of episodic TV," he said. "Does it happen? No. Some snot-nosed trust-fund kid with two rap videos under his belt, he gets three pictures from New Line. But you, nah. You're slogging away in the mines on your eighth Tim Curry pilot."
Least Painful Low Cut: Debra Messing's skimpy black crisscross-front dress, which--if you didn't notice--was laced down to there.
Worst Look (and We're Not Talking Fashion): That inexplicably less than thrilled glance between Sex and the City stars Kim Cattrall and Cynthia Nixon when series' cocreator Michael Patrick King won for Best Comedy Director. What's the problem, ladies? Six episodes a season not often enough for you?
Third Best Quote by an Everybody Loves Raymond Award Winner: Doris Roberts, bagging her third Emmy: "This is what happens when you're young and sexy."
Second Best Quote by an Everybody Loves Raymond Award Winner: Brad Garrett, accepting for Best Supporting Comedy Actor--"Hope this award breaks down the door for Jewish people trying to get into show business."
Best Quote by an Everybody Loves Raymond Award Winner: Ray Romano, to his Emmy-winning costar Garrett: "Mine's a little bigger, I think, Brad." While he was flaunting his statue, he was referring, of course, to his paycheck.
Best Quote Inspired by an Everybody Loves Raymond Award Winner: Comedian Garry Shandling, sympathizing with Romano, who had previously lost in triplicate. "I lost one time," said Shandling, "and went home to my mom, and she said, 'And your dinner goes to Kelsey Grammer, too.' "
"I'd like to thank Darren Star, for asking me to be his Sex partner five years ago--that is a euphemism."
--Sex and the City cocreator Michael Patrick King
Best-Looking Couple of Presenters: Amy Brenneman, in a revealing, backless blue number with a plunging neckline, and Jimmy Smits, doing that tall-dark-and-handsome thing, were seriously smoldering, but they still had to contend with the...
Best-Looking Couple on the Planet: Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt take it hands down. It's tough to decide who's prettier, but it's not about the competition. In this case, the nomination is the award.
"Men with stiffs--now that's something we know a little bit about."
--Kim Cattrall of Sex and the City, referring to the cast of Six Feet Under. At least we think that's what she was talking about.
Thanking the Little People: An emotional Aniston threw props to Inger, the show's craft-service person. Oh yeah, and to her husband, too.
Most Surreal Moment, Possibly Ever: Larry King, after introducing an homage to Milton Berle, is assaulted by a midget wielding a giant powder puff. It was some sort of reference to a classic Berle joke, but the fact remains: On live television, Larry King was assaulted by a midget wielding a giant powder puff.
Best Reason for Jay Leno to Be Surly: The Late Show with David Letterman won Best Variety, Music or Comedy Series for the fifth year in a row. We love Letterman, but hasn't Leno been winning the ratings war that whole time? Just sayin'.
Tom Hanks, Mike Hog? The Band of Brothers producer didn't seem all that brotherly while accepting the first of the miniseries' awards. Director Tony To was announced as spokesman, but Hanks glommed onto the microphone. Sure, he shared the wealth the next time around--with exec producer Steven Spielberg. Outranked? Just sayin'.
"The damn thing works."
--Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, after the first TV broadcast, a horizontal line that went from one room to the next in 1927. Our cable company makes us pay extra for that.
Courtesy of msn.com and eonline.com
Naramsin
In my language, 
enternamehere
