What is the difference between a liberal and a conservative, in 50 words or less. Easy hundred bucks (100.00) for explaining terms that no one understands anyway.

In this political season, we hear these terms liberal and conservative a lot. Liberals think conservatives are dumb farmers, people who could't get laid in high school, or born again christian flakes. Conservatives think that liberals are all spoiled hypocritical slacker bullshit artists who have significant others, and are probably Jewish or communist. Whats your spin in 50 words or less. Best answer gets $100.00 in REAL MONEY, not credit, not points, not tax credits or deductions or scrip. Beanos, C-note, bread, greenbacks, etc. REMEMBER: Brevity is the sole of wit.

PS:
NEXT WEEK'S CONTEST (plan ahead!) - Question of the day: If colleges all teach liberal arts, where does one go to learn conservative arts?


THE WINNER:


Victorskull
Conservative: spanks the monkey
Liberal: uses whips and chains on the monkey

Conservative: (Easy one.) Someone who acts like he/she cares about christian ethics on moral issues. Takes stands against abortion, stem cells, and other medical ideas that dealing with "playing God." Will say that family should be the core of every facet of your life. Is resistant to change and conventional. They feel that major changes and ideas are not safe. He/she will act like they care about you to get your vote, when they really don't care.

-Small federal Goverment, Big state goverment.-

Liberal: Someone who acts like he/she cares about change. Always ready to change ideas or goverment. Always talks about how everyone should have equal rights, until it involves their own comfort. He/she will talk about personal choice and freedom while making sure that they give you the choices you are able to choose from. For all their talk about political reform and change, they only want these things because it will benifite them. He/she will attempt to make it seem like they are "a man of the people." Not any different them me or you, then they go home to a million dollar house in their Lexus. He/she will act like they care about you to get your vote, when they really don't care.

-Big federal Goverment, small state goverment.-

Conservative Bakes The Chocolate Cake To Recipe

Liberal Wants To Add M&M's

Conservative Thinks Liberal Doesn't Appreciate The Handed Down Goodness

Liberal thinks Conservative Doesn't Realize The Cake Tastes Better With Candy.

A liberal is one who believes in personal freedom, whereas a conservative believes they have the right to dictate to others how they should live. Liberals believe that humans should live in harmony with nature, whereas conservatives feel nature is there for them to make a profit from its exploitation.

conservatives beat their children; liberals spoil them.

Conservative: spanks the monkey
Liberal: uses wips and chains on the monkey

ROTFL

Question of the day: If colleges all teach liberal arts, where does one go to learn conservative arts? BYU

A liberal thinks with her heart and a conservative thinks with his pocketbook. A liberal thinks God has many voices or even no voice; a conservative thinks HE has only one and it sounds just like Jerry Falwell.

A LIBERal is someone who tries to LIBERATE you; a CONservative is someone trying to CON you .

gee code good thing you are a middle of the road unbiased voter.

I like victorsskull's answer

A liberal believes the government is to provide for the general welfare of the people; a conservative believes the government is an institution to keep the masses under control, and protect the financial interests of wealthy individuals.

I'm not middle of the road comp..I'm an anarchist...meaning I do not believe in governments of any kind for any reason. That's me being serious.

Liberal Happy To Be At Nudist Camp
Conservative Happy To Be At Nudist Camp But Worried He'll See The Preacher There

for a view of what REAL conservatives think about this government...visit
http://www.infowars.com
http://www.jusbelli.com
http://www.mackwhite.com/
(see his article called U.S. Has Contingency Plans for a Draft of Medical Workers)
http://www.purewordsenterprises.freerovin.com/favorite_links.html
http://www.stanley2002.org/pfilesbystate.htm

I think you will see these are TRUE conservatives, not these namby pamby NeoCons that are washing Bush's feet with their bald heads.

True conservatives are opposed to the tyranny that is going on here!

NEO CONS roll over and hope the Real Slim Cheney will rub their bellies!

lol...I like the WitchingHour's definiton!

Please keep submissions to maximum of three.

2 terms for each:
-conservative
-radical conservative
-liberal
-radical liberal

Definitions:
Conservative:
Socially, seeks an ideal "1950's" social structure in which people are moral, children are obedient, and families are "normal", even if this means removing some individual choice.
Economically favors as little regulation as is necessary, and wishes to let the market function as intended

Radical conservative:
Seeks same social structure as above, but instead of simply limiting some choices, wishes to legislate away anything which differs from their ideal morality. Also gives no recognition to the humanity or wishes of "non christians" such as: jews, muslims, anyone who places academics and rationality over fundamentalism.

Liberal:
Seeks to allow social forces to change. Generally favors tolerance, and people making their own choice regarding their moral or family structures.
Economically, seeks to place enough regulation in the economy to prevent such phoenomina as massive weath gaps, a tremendous underclass, and anticonsumer practices(wheather dangerous or simply evil).

Radical Liberal:
Socially seeks policies which push change forward at a pace at which much of society is not comfortable moving, intolerant of conservatism, considers 1950's social structure mentioned previously repressive.
Economically pushes for heavy socialization, considers capitalism a broken system which, rather than just being tweeked or overseen, must be radically changed.


I by no means claim authority over this set of definitions, nor do i really want to remove 100 bucks from the dmusic treasury.. but am interested in reactions.

Forgot to mention environment.. but i think that goes well under the economic section..

freely floating market under conservatism means no forbidden zones in nature.

regulation under liberalism means vital pieces of our environment are carefully preserved.

Liberals are king john and the sheriff

Conservatives are robin hood and his men in tights.

liberals spend money like it is going out of style and hide it
conservatives say they don't have any money and show everybody they don't

but actually liberals are supposed to be looking forward to the future
and conservatives look to the past as a way to live in the future

Oh, you just KNEW I couldn't resist a topic like this... didn't ya?

It's a question of TRUST.
Conservatives TRUST what the government's doing, TRUST that if we aren't being told something, it's for our own good...
Liberals, on the other hand, question EVERYTHING.
Liberals prefer power in the hands of the common man, lacking TRUST that our politicians won't abuse it.

Conservative: Every man for himself.

Liberal: We're all in this together.

Conservatives want to let us keep our money, while liberals want to spend our money on others. Conservatives believe in personal choice, liberals want to force us to belive their way.

A conservative is a liberal who has been mugged. A liberal is a conservative who doesn't like to work anymore.

someone calls the police and tells them to come to the cafe right away as there is a liberal in one of the booths masterbating. The dispatcher asks how they know the person is a liberal. They reply "if he was a conservative, he'd be screwing someone."

Liberals tend to want more government regulation in economic issues and social policy issues, but are more tolerant in terms of what your lifestyle is.

Conservatives tend to be more laissez faire when it comes to economic issues or social policies, but are less tolerant of other people's lifestyles.

Libertarians tend to be more tolerant of people's lifestyle and also champion less government interference in economic issues and social policy issues.

Guess which one I tend to associate myself with?

My vote is for Valentine Michael Smith.

THE CONTEST WILL END AT MIDNIGHT TONITE!!!!OCT 20, 2004

Good one, capt.
Bufo said: "Conservatives tend to be more laissez faire..." ??? As in let corporations become even bigger monopolies without restrictions??? or let corporations outsource AND get tax breaks??? or let the Justice Department work with corporations like the RIAA to improve their bottom line??? or overlook the 4th amendment for search and seizure??? or make it difficult to gather for peaceful assembly (1st amendment) or restrict access to listening to the President speak unless you are carrying the correct sign or wearing the correct t-shirt?

So far, Victorskull is in the lead.

A person who believes themselves to be "Conservative" :
Labels anything that they are against as "Liberal". Any belief that contradicts their own is tagged as "liberal". Any person that is different from them is a "liberal"
Conservatives must impose their moral and religious codes on others "for their own good".

A person who believes themselves to be "Liberal" :
Labels anything that they are against as "Conservative". Any belief that contradicts their own is tagged as "Conservative". Any person that is different from them is a "Conservative"
Liberals must impose their moral and religious codes on others "for their own good".

Neither group is real
Neither term carries any true meaning anymore.

Conservatives have "Stars upon Thars"
Liberals have "No stars, upon Thars"

Library - a place where you can borrow books.

Conservatory - a place where you can sit and read books.

....damn..I need to get new glasses

LOL
Sphinx,
You may be more correct than you think.

Conservative=Missionary

Liberal=That was so last week

Conservative=Not enough pie for everyone
Liberal=Put some cinnamon on mine

Liberals take from the rich to give to the poor. Conservatives take from the poor in order to support the rich in the manner to which they have become accustomed.

Or, one for Mary: Liberals say, "I see Black people."

Conservatives say, "Where?"

liberals - employees
conservatives - management

Liberals are opposed to capital punishment. The conservatives are in favor of capital punishment -- of liberals.

Liberals- Argue cuz they can and do a good job at it, but always change their views.

Conservatives- Suck at arguing but at least you can count on knowing where they stand

Liberals- Will do anything to extend their life, including kill babies.

Conservatives- Care about the unborn and born

liberals step on the beetle and kill it.

Conservatives try to save the beetle after its been dead for 10 years and then starts a war in Beetleville, Iraq to try and save the beetles.

liberals are closet conservatives
conservatives like the war tax or 50% which ever is highier

haha I love how people are submitting like 4 different answers and shit. "gimme moneyyyy"

money ??? I thought this was for food stamps ... arrrrrrrghhhhhhhh

Liberal-younger, pessimistic, usually has less play $$$$$ conservative-just trying to hold on to what we got !!!! baby boomers have moved into that older more conservative phase and that's why that dickhead of a pres. even has a chance of being re-elected !!! dh=cheney 10/4 flbgbt

Liberals- Will do anything to extend their life, including kill babies.

Conservatives- Prefer the challenge of killing full grown adults

Lothar said: "Date: October 20, 2004 @ 7:28 AM
Conservatives want to let us keep our money, while liberals want to spend our money on others. Conservatives believe in personal choice, liberals want to force us to belive their way."?

I think that last sentence you have the wrong way around.

examples:
conservatives say women arent allowed to govern their own bodies because its "killing children", just like p2p is "stealing music"

conservatives say gay people should not be allowed to marry because it violates their "christian morality"

conservatives say we should force kids to say prayers in school even if they and their parents consider it a violation of their freedom of religion.

What is this again about liberals trying to force people into "their way" ?
I guess by their way you mean "allowing others to choose for themselves"

And by your way you mean "choosing for others against their will"

Conservatives believe in a set of rules which all should live by and each person is responsible for their own needs and problems.

Liberals believe in making exceptions to the rules for each person based on their own circumstances and forcing everyone to be responsible for everyone else's needs and problems.

Yeah, BrandonH--In other more famous words, Conservatives would say,"Iam an island." Liberals would say, "He ain't heavy, he's my brother." Is that what you meant?

Spin...spin...spin...

some very funny ones (captdunsel's is my favorite, even though consider myself leaning more to the right).

The difference between a liberal & a conservative is:
A liberal is against capital punishment for criminals, but FOR the killing of fetuses who's only "crime" is being conceived. A conservative is opposite.

Though I must say, the blanket description of "liberal" or "conservative" is too limiting. Using myself as an example, depending on the issue, I can be either one.

Abortion - liberal (I think it's a woman's right to choose, just don't use any of my tax dollars to do it)

Gun ownership - Probably Libertarian (stay the f**k out of my business. If I can afford a machine gun, I can have one)

Taxes - I would say conservative (spend only what you bring in & show fiscal constraint), but I'm not sure that label applies to any politician anymore.

Filesharing - no profit on my part = no crime.

Conservatives accidentaly throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Liberals accidentally throw the bathwater out with the baby.

Conservatives are those that wish to lock society in its current state preventing degeneration.

Liberals beleive we need to change the system in order to create a more perfect system.

The best possible example. this is a true story, I'm not making it up. for real. seriously.

a conservative-

58-year-old Bob Hickey, a retired psychiatrist from Vail Colorado (a rather upscale skiing mecca) waited for five years for a kidney donation through UNOS, the organization that oversees organ donations in the United States. Then he started paying $295 a month for a subscription to www.MatchingDonors.com. where he found a willing victim, er, donor.

a liberal -

Robert Smitty 32, who lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee. He says he decided to volunteer for the transplant because it made him feel good to help someone in need.
He claims he is not being paid any money for doing this.

an independent-

Dr. Igal Kam, MD, at first postponed the surgery because he felt the special circumstances needed to be examined further. (he has since agreed to perform the surgery which should be completed by late this afternoon)

you can read the story here

http://9news.com/acm_news.aspx?OSGNAME=KUSA&IKOBJECTID=b347e0e6-0abe-421a-0066-7e8a4b95aa1e&TEMPLATEID=0c76dce6-ac1f-02d8-0047-c589c01ca7bf

Conservative
1. Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change.
2. Traditional or restrained in style: a conservative dark suit.
3. Moderate; cautious: a conservative estimate.
4.
a. Of or relating to the political philosophy of conservatism.
b. Belonging to a conservative party, group, or movement.
5. Of or belonging to the Conservative Party in the United Kingdom or the Progressive Conservative Party in Canada.
6. Of or adhering to Conservative Judaism.
7. Tending to conserve; preservative: the conservative use of natural resources.
8. Evil, mean people who want to dominate the world through lies and deception.


Liberal

1.
a. Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.
b. Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.
c. Of, relating to, or characteristic of liberalism.
d. Liberal Of, designating, or characteristic of a political party founded on or associated with principles of social and political liberalism, especially in Great Britain, Canada, and the United States.
2.
a. Tending to give freely; generous: a liberal benefactor.
b. Generous in amount; ample: a liberal serving of potatoes.
3. Not strict or literal; loose or approximate: a liberal translation.
4. Of, relating to, or based on the traditional arts and sciences of a college or university curriculum: a liberal education.
5. Happy and generous people who reach out a hand to all in need and are all around warm and fuzzy!

This may seem strange coming from me, but after reading it, it seemed this is a way a lot of people around here tend to look at things....I certainly did not write this, but here goes anyway

The Difference Between The Liberal and Conservative


Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your husband and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your purse is a .357 Magnum and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

* Does the man look poor or oppressed?
* Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack?
* Could we run away?
* What does my wife think?
* What about the kids?
* Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
* What does the law say about this situation?
* Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
* Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me?
* If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

This is all so confusing!

I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.


Conservative Answer: Shoot the son of a bitch. Then,

* go with your family to a baseball game,
* eat some hot dogs with apple pie,
* sing the national anthem,
* go to church and
* praise the Lord for one more day of freedom.

Reprinted under the Fair Use doctrine of international copyright law

You're carrying a purse and you stop to wonder what your wife would think?

Conservatives go to the adult store and say they didn't
Liberals do not go to the adult store and say they did.

gdZiemann

Thats hillarious, I didn't even notice that till you pointed it out....good one!

Yeah, pepe, you definitely have a gender problem with that one..."You're walking down a deserted street with your husband" and "* What does my wife think?" bothered me a little more than the purse thing, though. It still made me laugh, though. You never know anymore!

Liberals are like the Delta Tau Chi fraternity in "Animal House." When they get caught doing something wrong, they tell the voters the same thing the Deltas told Flounder when they wrecked his brother's car: "Hey, you f**cked up. You trusted us."

Conservatives are like Dean Vernon Wormer, they just cut to the chase and yell, "No more fun of any kind!"

Both are headed for the same destination, it's just a difference in style of how to get there; Chevy or Ford? Doesn't matter we're still gonna end up in the same place.

ShadowMom

Alright, already, maybe I'll win a booby prize...leflaw, is there going to be a booby prize?

Definition of a Liberal..one who thinks everyone should be eligible for a booby prize.

Definition of a Conservative..one who knows that only half the population is equipped to recieve a booby prize!

pepe--a what prize?

Someone walks down the street and see a poor guy begging on the street for money.

If this person was a ‘Conservative’ they would give the guy a $50 and then give him directions to a place where they could get a job.

If the person was a ‘Liberal’ they would walk past the guy, mug a bystander, and give the money to the guy and give him directions to the nearest welfare office.

some of you don't understand at all what a Liberal or Conservative is.

my other definition is that:

a Liberal want's everyone to be equal as long as they are in charge of everyone/ are the best.

a conservative believes in a smaller, less powerful government, less spending, lower taxes, and less controol.

"Someone walks down the street and see a poor guy begging on the street for money.

If this person was a ‘Conservative’ they would give the guy a $50 and then give him directions to a place where they could get a job."

Nope, nope nope. They would tell him to 'pull himself up by his bootstraps' and give $500,000 to a millionaire corporate buddy.

The part about the liberal and the welfare office is correct.

Oh, and the mugging too!

When is someone going to do something about the gas prices so that we can all stop walking down the street?


Shadowmom

Booby prize....as in the boob who comes in with the worst answer and can't possibly win the good prize...sort of a consulation thing going on here...What were YOU thinking?????

"a conservative believes in a smaller, less powerful government, less spending, lower taxes, and less controol." Does that make George a (shhh!) liberal???

Who the hell needs a definition - let's just draw a line and fight it out. Besides, most of you folks won't be honest enough to admit that you fit within an acceptable definition.

I like BrandonH's definition, he gets my vote .

conservative: more close-minded, church and state; often right-wing/republican

liberal: more open-minded, wants reform; left-wing/democrat

The conservative ideal is a society that requires little or no government, because citizens are kept in line by a set of morals and taboos,(usually parablized into a religion), that have evolved over time with enough subtlety that they are assumed as truth without question.

Most of these taboos and values evolve as necessary societal survival mechanisms.

Conservatives live by a moral code that is so ingrained in their thinking that they often have a hard time defining it,(which is why so many conesrvatives sound like morons and are easily out-manouvered by liberals in arguements).

All societies start out conservative, liberalism only occurs with the arrival of technology.

Liberalism emerges when technological or social changes cause people to question the continued adherence to the old taboos, it's the old "dynamic vs. static" conflict.

That is why liberals tend to be younger, conservatives, older.

Think about it, all of the great liberal causes stemmed directly form technological advances.

Women's liberation could not have happened without contraception, acceptance of gay practices would never have occured without the invention of the condom.

Balance between the two forces is necessary to maintain a healthy, sustainable level of human progress.

We've been seeing a pendulum swing in our society from overly conservative 50's to overly liberal 70' and 80's and now back again with Bush and his gang and even the Islamic extremists, who despise Western decadent liberalism.

Personally,I'm amused to see liberals react in horror over the increase in conservative sentiment around the world, as if they ever had a hope of banishing it forever.

It is a result of their arrogance and hubris, believing they could re-invent in a few years those societal institutions like the economy, religion, marriage and sexual morality, which took thousands of years to evolve, de-constructing them without even understanding their origin, function and purpose.

Just like Monsanto introducing a new organism into an existing ecosystem it doesn't yet understand.

Then you get conservatives who are so stubbornly set in their ways that they refuse to consider the good liberal ideas, like evoloution, environmentalism and socially responsible market economies.

The battle between the two will neber be over.

Coservative=yen
Liberal=yang

I guess I'm disqualified for being over 100 words, oh well.

oh, sorry, 50 words, geez I REALLY fucked up.

Liberal - gives someone a helping hand.

Conservative - gives someone the finger.

""Liberals believe that humans should live in harmony with nature, whereas conservatives feel nature is there for them to make a profit from its exploitation."" - Code

Hey codewarrior, i was just wondering if youve ever read Rainbow Six, because it was pretty good, in it, a bunch of crazy greeners try to kill everyone on the earth except themselves so that they can save the planet from the horrible republicans, in the end they get caught and are forced into the Amazon naked where they die an untimely death as they are told to "harmonize with nature" heh, pretty good.

Tick tock....tick tock....YoItsDeluxSon, is that your final answer? Could you please read another book? Maybe the 9/11 Commission Report? Or try "The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O'Neal" by Ron Suskind. I just bought both, we can have a meaningful discussion if you buy them, too, wouldn't that be cool???

conservative: a person so close-minded that their brains have imploded.

liberal: a person so open-minded that their brains have fallen out.

I like that one Axis.

Both liberals and conservatives are lying, scum sucking politicians who will do whatever their corporate masters (donors) tell them to do. The only differences are what lies they tell and who their corporate masters/donors are.

Libertal-Believes in sharing the wealth. (Passes out your money and feels he has done a good deed.)

conservative-Believes in saving. (Strains dishwater for reclaiming the grease)

A liberal is somebody who hasn't read Noam Chomsky
A conservative is somebody who hasn't read Noam Chomsky

I really think we have to make a distinction between NEO-conservatives like Bush, and REAL conservatives like Alex Jones, John Stadtmiller, and the others. The REAL conservatives like Jones are dead set against the globalist Bush and the evil Bob Hope lookng The Real Slim Cheney.

I believe i did.. and it's not Neoconservative..

let's tell it like it is.. it is ARCH or RADICAL conservative.. emphasis on the capitalization.

I also like to call them various more colorful words which for the sake of decency i will leave out.

Good one mtekk, and absolutly correct.

A conservative would take money out of their pocket to help someone, while a liberal will use the police power of the goverment to force someone else to give this person money.

The terms liberal and conservative are usually applied in terms of spending policies.

A conservative is typically someone who would believe in a smaller government with less spending.

A liberal is typically a person who believes in a larger government with more spending.

These ideas are quite skewed these days.

Liberals are bleeding hearts.
Conservatives have no heart.

Liberals want to make love, not war.
Conservatives love war.

OK, Leflaw, so who won this nifty little contest, and what was the winning line?

Good question, Bufo. I scrolled back and saw a midnight deadline post on this contest.
Btw, Bufo, I hope I didn't offend you. I get very upset about what is going on in this country during this current administration.

Ninety some-odd replies and still no good description of what conservative – liberal means. The best way to show how backwards things have gotten is by this simple example: consider that we will label a person ‘liberal’ if they are active in environmental activities, whereas we describe someone ‘conservative’ if they advocate the unrestrictive exploration of natural resources. However, standing back and examining things, the environmental activists is advocating conserving natural resources, whereas the oil man wants to liberally explore for natural resources.

So, by this example, you should conclude that the label of conservative or liberal is an exact definition of what a person IS NOT.

What is the difference between a liberal and a conservative?

In politics there IS NO difference. Why? Because both still try to be all things to all people but don't really plan on keeping any political promises anyways unless it involves dollars they can get for themselves.

INeedAlover You get the prize!

a liberal and a REAL conservative will wear this t-shirt with pride...a NEO CON will want to burn it!
http://www.jiggy.com/cat-images-lg/hu0014t-lg.jpg

ON BEING LIBERAL ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prerequisites to Being a Modern Liberal Democrat (aka Socialist)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding.

You believe that the same overpaid public school idiot who can't teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You believe that trial lawyers are selfless heroes and doctors are overpaid.

You believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.

You believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the Sun, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

You believe that gender roles are artificial but being gay is natural.

You believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

You believe that hunters don't care about nature but pesky activists who've never been outside Seattle do.

You believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

You believe there was no art before federal funding.

You have to be against capital punishment - but support abortion on demand.

You believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

You believe the free market that gives us 500+ channels can't deliver the quality that PBS does.

You believe the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution.

You believe that taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high.

You believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

You believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

You believe that second-hand smoke is more dangerous than HIV.

You believe Hilary Clinton is really a lady and Janet Reno is not really a man.

You believe that conservatives are racists but that black people couldn't make it without your help.

You believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked everywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

You believe that the same government that can't deliver the mail on time can provide health care and internet service to all Americans.

You believe that a piece of work like Al Sharpton speaks for the inner city but Charlton Heston speaks only for the crazed right wing.

You believe that our involvement in Vietnam was wrong but that killing over 1200 Serb civilians was OK.

You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belongs in the White House.

You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be Constitutionally protected and Manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

You have to believe that anyone who beats you in an intellectual arguments is a bigot.

And finally...

You have to believe Richard Nixon obstructed justice by having an 18 ½ minute gap in one tape of his recorded conversations and that it was an innocent mistake that one YEAR's worth of Al Gore's e-mails got erased. And, wouldn't you know that these e-mails of Al's just happen to be the ones subpoenaed by a White House committee and a federal grand jury in their continuing investigation of campaign finance abuses and other matters!!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v210/codewarrior/curiousgeorge.gif

Liberals do find him a bit "curious"...

I present to you a glass with half the contents.

Liberals see the glass as empty.

Conservatives see the glass as full.

Conservatives like to call people with different viewpoints "liberals".

Liberals like to call people with different viewpoints "conservatives".

There are actually many commonalities between the two species until you get to the edges, populated with people like Pat Buchanan on the Right and Michael Moore on the Left.

Conservatives: Religious Fanatic

Liberals: Less Religous Fanatic

Conservatives are the ones who believe everything will be alright once they're in power to keep everything the same.

Liberals are the ones who believe everything will be alright once they're in power to change everything.

I think the glass is twice as big as it should be.

The difference between Liberals and Conservatives
Conservatives wouldn't fix it even if it was broken



Liberals want to fix what isn't broken

Liberal: I won $100!! Let's all go out and celebrate!!

Conservative: I won $100!! I have to put it in the bank right away!!

C'mon, leflaw, GIVE IT UP!! Who won? Victor???

ya who won

Conservative = Keep it as it is, if it is as it was. If it ain't as is was, make it as it was.

Liberal = Open it up to what it could be cause it ain't as it should be yet.

Shmoo, of Electric Gypsy
(PROUDLY Liberal on most issues, especially the ones to do with freedom and liberty! But Conservative in a few areas too.)

HERE'S THE WINNER!!!


Victorskull
Conservative: spanks the monkey
Liberal: uses whips and chains on the monkey
__________________________________________________


Very Honorable mentions:


AdjacentAxis
conservative: a person so close-minded that their brains have imploded.
liberal: a person so open-minded that their brains have fallen out.

AlternativeThumpermonkey
A liberal is somebody who hasn't read Noam Chomsky
A conservative is somebody who hasn't read Noam Chomsky

woooo whooo

Congratulations, Victor!!!!!

Congrats Victor, that was pretty funny ;o) And also to you, Thumper p

A very honorable mention is extremely cool; I didn't think my submission would get recognized. Gracias for that, leflaw (and awehr for commenting).

A Conservative is a liberal who has been mugged.

Liberal: A person who believes in free speech, until that speech contains a conservative viewpoint, then it should be stopped at all costs, even illegal means.

Liberal: The people attacking Bush Cheney Headquarters, breaking glass, throwing eggs, Etc. http://www.enquirer.com/midday/10/10232004_News_mday_breakin.html
http://www.azdailysun.com/non_sec/nav_includes/story.cfm?storyID=96592
http://209.157.64.200/focus/f-news/1232770/posts
http://www.knoxgop.org/archives/000520.html
http://www.local6.com/politics/3785861/detail.html


Conservative: Members of the NRA who own the guns. Do ya feel lucky punk?

I just hope some liberal weiner accosts me when I go to vote. I will have a digital camera and asshole will end up in jail or the hospital.

congrats Victor !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still say we need to add NEO Conservaative in the mix, apparently many are defining conservative and meaning Neo Con...
===================================================
Neo-Con- Votes for Kerry and believes God is guiding his hand

Conservative- Votes for Kerry. holds their nose while voting,
and believes Satan is guiding Bush's hand ( conservatives like Alex Jones, John Stadtmiller, Dessie Andrews )

Liberal- Votes for Kerry and smiles while doing it.

BIG TYPO,,,NEO CON votes for BUSH and believes God is guiding his hand...

-------------------------------------------------
GIVEN THE FOLLOWING...AT FIRST, YOU WOULD THINK I AM A CONSERVATIVE....
I own guns and am a STRONG second amendment supporter.

I am against wide open borders.

I am against big government (actually, against governments as a principle)

I am deadset against globalism.

Never been mugged, but have had my truck broken into, my tools stolen, and my truck almost stolen (column busted and according to the cop, they were two minutes from stealing it)

I STRONGLY support our troops and have friends in Iraq right now. I further make it a practice to thank every person in the military I meet for their service to our country.

But...
I am a strong supporter of the environment.

I support women's choice with regard to abortion.

I believe people should have access to affordable national healthcare.

I am for separation of Church and State, and dead set AGAINST CEREMONIAL DEISM.

So...I think these nice little stereotypes of "conservatives v. liberals" are just a little too convenient.

For example...try to compartmentalize the following people as Liberal or Conservative.

1) Benjamin Franklin
2) Thomas Jefferson
3) Thomas Paine
4) Abraham Lincoln (there's a book out saying he was a white racist)
5) Alexis de Tocqueville
6) Sheriff Richard Mack
7) Jack McLamb
Adolf Hitler
9) Benito Mussolini
10) King Louis the XIV
11) Attila the Hun
12) RANDY WEAVER
13) G. Edward Griffin
14) Islamic fundamentalist Mullahs
15)

15) John Hancock
....and in fact, wouldn't the Tories who opposed the founding fathers of our country really be the status quo supporting convservatives?

From Hyperdictionary.com
Conservative
"Definition: [n] a person who has conservative ideas or opinions
[adj] resistant to change
[adj] conforming to the standards and conventions of the middle class; "a bourgeois mentality"
[adj] unimaginatively conventional; "a colorful character in the buttoned-down, dull-gray world of business"- Newsweek
[adj] avoiding excess; "a conservative estimate"
[adj] opposed to liberal reforms "

"

English Dictionary Computer Dictionary Thesaurus Dream Dictionary Medical Dictionary



Search Dictionary:

Meaning of LIBERAL
Pronunciation: 'liburul


WordNet Dictionary

Definition: [n] a person who favors a political philosophy of progress and reform and the protection of civil liberties
[n] a person who favors an economic theory of laissez-faire and self-regulating markets
[adj] tolerant of change; not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or tradition
[adj] showing or characterized by broad-mindedness; "a broad political stance"; "generous and broad sympathies"; "a liberal newspaper"; "tolerant of his opponent's opinions"
[adj] not literal; "a loose interpretation of what she had been told"; "a free translation of the poem"
[adj] given or giving freely; "was a big tipper"; "the bounteous goodness of God"; "bountiful compliments"; "a freehanded host"; "a handsome allowance"; "Saturday's child is loving and giving"; "a liberal backer of the arts"; "a munificent gift"; "her fond and openhanded grandfather"
[adj] having political or social views favoring reform and progress "

http://prodtn.cafepress.com/nocache/9/10516689_F_tn.jpg?r=632341912347343750

http://zoom.cafepress.com/0/5529560_zoom.jpg

HARDWORKING GEORGE
http://www.simsadler.com/

I would have come up with a better definition....but I was rehearsing my speech for my appearance before the League of International Zionist Jewish Bankers....

http://bordergatewayprotocol.net/jon/humor/video/obgyn.wmv
Video of Speech by Bush in Poplar Bluff Missouri not long ago...

"....too many ob-gyns aren't able to practice their...their love with women all across this country."

Congrats to the winners!